No Means No. Do Men Not Have the Right to Turn Away...

No Means No. Do Men Not Have the Right to Turn Away Unwanted Advances?

No Means No

As a woman and survivor of sexual assault, I have felt so sorry for Ginuwine the last few days. I don’t follow celebrity news, trends or gossip, so I am often ‘late to the party’ when it comes to trending topics. However, every now and then, something so asinine makes it to the news, or even goes viral, that it’s hard to ignore. This man has a right to decide what he does with his body; why I, or anyone else should have to say that, I don’t understand.

As a woman, I’ve found it extremely heartbreaking to sit back and watch the way Ginuwine is being mistreated in the media and public eye. If this situation were reversed, and Ginuwine was a woman, there would be a different discussion being had.

Ginuwine and Ashley.

For those like myself, who avoid the celebrity gossips blogs, I’ll fill you in quickly, a transgender woman (was born a male but now lives as a woman) attempted to kiss Ginuwine, the singer declined. The singer did not kiss the transgendered woman, which is 100% his right as an individual; Ginuwine, however, also did not bash nor degrade this ‘woman’. In fact, Ginuwine has become the victim in this situation.

Over lunch yesterday with a sister girl, we discussed this situation and how it was being blown out of hand because of the gay and transgender agenda being pushed on us as a country. Before you get your panties in a bunch, let me assure you, I am not homo or trans phobic; I am proudly queer myself. My sexuality and acceptance of trans people however has little to do with the fact that there IS a gay agenda being pushed on this country. It’s getting hard for anyone to deny it.

As a little girl, we are taught young that we don’t have to let people hug and kiss us if we don’t want, we’re told not to sit in grown men’s laps; little girls are taught about bad touches and personal space. AS young girls, we are drilled in the ways of how to protect ourselves from unwanted advances. As adults, women deal with them every day on the street.Society constantly tells us that we have a right to say no, to protect ourselves.  But what about little boys and men?

Last month at My Non-Fiction Author Panel Discussion, one of the topics that came up was that boys were raped and molested the same as girls, yet their pain was treated differently. We had a male panelist who admitted that he was sexually assaulted by a much older woman before he started to have interest in sex himself, which led to a deeper discussion. I saw this to say, men are trained from a young age, that the attention of women is good, even when it isn’t.

When boys and later men, say things are bothering them, they’re often brushed off, told to “suck it up”, “be a man” or something similar. I don’t even think I realized how much of a problem treating our young men like this was until 2015 when I dated a man who was scarred from a childhood, unwanted female advance. The woman who violated him, did so in such a manner that his sex life was permanently altered.

When I see the outrage over a man standing up for his right to do what he wants with his body, I cringe. I think of all the women who’ve been sexually assaulted or harassed and received worldwide pity, media attention and support. My very next thought is of all the men who have been told to “man up” or “they should be glad someone wanted them” and things of that nature.

Sexual harassment and assault is not limited to women victims, men are victims as well. They have the same right to say no and demand personal space as women. To watch so many public shame, harass and humiliate a man for standing up for his personal space, is horrifying. Society must stop these double standard rules. A person, man or woman, has the right to refuse unwanted kisses and sexual advances from anyone, regardless of their gender. Do not make someone’s right to personal space, a political issue to further the gay agenda.

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Melony Hill is an author, entrepreneur and speaker from Baltimore, MD. Diagnosed with multiple emotional illnesses , Melony has never let that stop her from achieving her dreams. Initially entering the entertainment industry as a model and adult entertainer, Melony got quite popular as “Sexy Sapphire.” As Sapphire, Melony became a book and magazine cover model. Melony has published three books, “Writing for My Sanity” a book of poetry “Reflections of a Survivor” a collection of essays written by survivors from all walks of life, and “SapphirErotica” a book of short stories.